


The First Time... And the Last

by HeylelAndGoldenWings



Category: Phandom
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Pure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 03:19:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeylelAndGoldenWings/pseuds/HeylelAndGoldenWings
Summary: The first time Dan really, really notices something about Phil that he had not before was on just any other boring, normal day.  Dan lies on Phil's bed, listening carefully as the boy tells him his idea for a new video.  Dan isn't sure he likes it, but Phil's always had a different style of video anyway, and it seemed like it might fit better on Phil's channel, rather than his own, like the raven-haired adult was suggesting.  But Phil looks so fucking happy, so Dan smiles and nods and tells him,okay, sure.He doesn't miss the way Phil bounces on the balls of his feet, his dark emo hair flopping over his brilliant eyes.  Phil does this often, but it's never really been anything significant in Dan's mind, just another childish antic that the young adult has never grown out of.  But this time, Phil doesn't just bounce.  He leaps toward Dan, crushing him in a hug,"A-ah,"  Dan gasps, trying to shove Phil off him.  But he can't, because Phil's smiling down at him, and his eyes are grinning, too, and all Dan can think about is how that beautiful smile lights up hiswhole fucking world.





	The First Time... And the Last

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy.

~2009~

The first time Dan really, really notices something about Phil that he had not before was on just any other boring, normal day. Dan lies on Phil's bed, listening carefully as the boy tells him his idea for a new video. Dan isn't sure he likes it, but Phil's always had a different style of video anyway, and it seemed like it might fit better on Phil's channel, rather than his own, like the raven-haired adult was suggesting. But Phil looks so fucking happy, so Dan smiles and nods and tells him, _okay, sure._

He doesn't miss the way Phil bounces on the balls of his feet, his dark emo hair flopping over his brilliant eyes. Phil does this often, but it's never really been anything significant in Dan's mind, just another childish antic that the young adult has never grown out of. But this time, Phil doesn't just bounce. He leaps toward Dan, crushing him in a hug, 

"A-ah," Dan gasps, trying to shove Phil off him. But he can't, because Phil's smiling down at him, and his eyes are grinning, too, and all Dan can think about is how that beautiful smile lights up his _whole fucking world._

"Thank you," Phil's eyes shine with joy, and all Dan can do is nod, because god dammit, Phil is his only friend and he just wants to make him happy, make him proud. Phil taps his shoulder once, twice, spooking him out of his thoughts. "But first let's just hang." He clambers off of Daniel awkwardly, his pale skin tainting pink, but the younger of the two doesn't notice. 

"Whatcha wanna do, then?" Dan stands up, staring at Phil, who's hair is now messed up. Phil gives him a crooked little smile, as if to say, _I don't know._ Dan groans, but it's light-hearted, of course.

"We could just listen to _Muse_ or something," Phil finally mumbles, filling the silence with his deep voice. "And like, dance."

Dan can't help himself. He winks at Phil. "What kind of dance?" He purrs, stepping a bit closer, and then he does notice- Phil's cheeks are painted a deep shade of red, and he looks like a fucking rose, and god dammit, he's probably has the fucking prick of one, too, if you catch Dan's drift. That's when Dan really notices how beautiful Philip Michael Lester is, and now that's he knows this, he also knows he's never going to be able to turn back. 

~2011~ 

The second time Dan notices anything special is two years later, soon after they have moved in together.

Daniel flops onto the hard couch, anger bubbling inside him. He knows he's being a baby, really. It isn't a big deal and he fucking knows it, too, but a few tears slip passed his brown eyes anyway. "Dammit," he curses, happy he's the only one awake, happy he's alone, because Phil can't fucking see him like _this._

Dan won't lie, he can't lie, especially not to himself. He wants desperately to go to Phil's room, but he knows he can't, Phil will move out and call him a baby and a loser and a wimp. So instead Dan closes his eyes for one small second, before curling into a ball on the couch and switching on his phone, not nearly satisfied enough by the faint glow it projects. 

His heart drops when he sees the battery percentage, and he can't help but let a whimper escape from his plush lips. Thunder cracks loud and hard outside their flat, and he pushes closer into himself. Dammit, dammit, dammit. He knows he'll freak out, he knows Phil will move out, he knows-

"Dan?" The whisper carries through the air, breaking the silence, stomping it out like a used cigarette. "Go to sleep, Dan. It's 3:00 AM, and I'm tired." 

Dan can't help but flinch at the cold tone of Phil's voice. "I'm sorry," he mumbles quickly, letting out a quick sigh of relief as he doesn't stutter over his words. "You go to sleep, I'll be there soon." This time he isn't so lucky, and his voice cracks. 

"Are you crying?" Phil's voice sounds almost mean, almost rude, and Dan knows he doesn't mean it to, but god damn, it sounds pissed-off to his ears, and he just hates it when Phil is pissed. 

"No," Dan snaps with more force than he intends. "L-let it be." 

"Daniel, you're crying." Okay, maybe Dan is crying. And also maybe Phil has never ever seen him cry, so this is a big deal, and he just wants to disappear. "What's wrong?" Phil stumbles forward in the dark and sits beside him. "C'mon, bro, you can trust me."

Dan turns away, and he just wants to fucking hit Phil. He's such a sweet idiot, so innocent and pure, and Daniel just wants to punch some fucking sense into him. Phil is his best friend, but as far as Dan's concerned, even a sweet, innocent idiot like Phil would judge him for this. 

"Please?" Phil rests a hand comfortingly on Dan's shoulder, rubbing gentle circles. "It's okay, tell me, please."

"The p-powers out," Dan whispers quietly, so quietly, and part of him hopes Phil doesn't hear, but the other part is shouting, _help me, please help me, I hate this so much, help me._

"Oh, Dan." Phil doesn't say anything else, just pulls Daniel into a breath-taking hug. "We'll go to the store and pick up flashlights tomorrow, I'm sorry." Daniel buries his face in Phil's neck, and Jesus Christ, it's happening again. Yeah, Phil's so innocent, so sickeningly sweet, and sometimes so fucking annoying, but maybe that's just what Dan loves about him. 

"Thanks," Daniel murmurs, breathing in Phil's scent. 

"I think it's cute," Phil finally says. "That you're afraid of the dark. I think it's kinda really adorable."

Dan shoves him to the floor faster than he can blink. 

~2014~

The third time is a while later, after him and Phil had gotten in a recent fight. A fight in which was totally Dan's own fault, but he can't bring himself to admit it, the boy's too prideful. 

"You don't talk to me much anymore," Phil says as he sits down next to Dan, who's currently engrossed in his phone. Phil elbows him, hard, and it hurts a little bit. Dan scowls and shoves Phil back, harder, angrier. 

"Leave me alone," he snaps, his eyes glazed with hurt. Phil bites his lip, looking at Dan with scared, blue-green-yellow eyes. 

"Please talk to me," Phil mumbles. "I don't like it when you ignore me. What did I do wrong? Yell at me, punch me, I don't care, please." 

Dan turns to Phil, staring into his fucking amazing eyes, and inhales sharply. There it is again. Phil being himself, too much himself, and Dan can't help but love him all the more for it.

"Phil," he sighs, gently leaning against his best friend, his everything. "I'm sorry." That's all that needs to be said, and Phil just smiles and nods, resting his head on top of Dan's as they sit together. Dan realizes with a jolting burn that maybe he really does love Phil, and maybe that isn't such a bad thing.

~2015~ 

Dan pokes Phil's stomach, rolling over and practically laying on top of the older man. "Wake up," he mumbles to his friend. "You make coffee, I'll make pancakes," he suggests gently, petting Phil's hair. He knows enough to know this isn't normal "friend" behavior, but the power had gone out at 4:00AM that morning and had come back on at 9:00AM, and Phil had so kindly invited Daniel to his bed to comfort him and stuff. 

Phil groans, pressing closer to Dan, and Dan squeals in alarm, his whole body pressed tight against Phil's. Okay, this is what, the fourth time Dan has noticed something insanely wonderful about Phil? He's pretty much used to these discoveries at this point. Phil's body is nice and sharp, edgy, even, not curvy like Dan's. Dan breathes in and out, in and out, concentrating on not getting hard, but c'mon, he's staring at Phil fucking Lester's body, and who in their right of mind wouldn't get hard?

Dan grumbles to himself as he rolls out of bed, his dick painfully straining against his boxers. He ignores it for the most part as he makes pancakes, and he's internally screaming because he couldn't even successfully wake Phil up, so what is he going to do with all these pancakes? Luckily Phil comes stomping in soon after they're made, wild eyed and angry. "Fuck you," he snarls, but no more is said, and Dan's left in stunned, hurt silence. What has he done wrong?

Later that afternoon Phil is sprawled on the couch, taking up all of it, and Dan bites his lip, standing awkwardly to the side. "I'm going to the store," he finally mumbles, hoping Phil misses the fear in his eyes.

"No, you are not. Stay here, we need to talk." Phil sighs and sets his computer down, turning to Dan. "Look, you're probably wondering about this morning. It's just... someone told me you fucked them. Them as in a guy," Phil admits casually.

Daniel blushes, backing up against a wall. His voice comes out steady, despite is shaking body. "I haven't fucked anyone in a long fucking time, Phil. And you're acting like it's a bad thing that it's a guy, even if I had fucked someone, which I didn't!" Dan's voice is raising at each passing moment, but Phil remains calm until the very end.

"It is, because this imaginary guy wasn't me!" Then Phil stood, stomping to his room like a fucking five year old, but still. This is Phil, and Dan loves him no matter what, he's just not ready to admit that yet.

~2016~

Dan had the worst possible time filming his video that day. He isn't sure why, it had just been more stressful than usual, and he had had an extremely hard time editing it. Luckily he had gotten Phil for help. Very luckily. Daniel doesn't now how it started, it just did. Okay, and he doesn't want it to ever stop, because Phil is kissing him, so soft and gentle and calm. "Phil," Dan whispers, scared.

"Shh, it's okay," Phil promises, and Dan nods, letting Phil wipe his tears away. "It's going to be okay. There's nothing wrong with this."

"I know, I know." And Dan does know, he's just never done this before, because,,, the only person he really ever loved is Phil, and it's taken so fucking long to get him. 

"I'm sorry," Phil apologizes, kissing Dan's nose and hugging him, curling around him despite the fact that Daniel is bigger, taller, wider. "I-I love you, and I'm sorry."

"I love you, too." Dan stares at his flate-mate, grinning. "Thanks, for today," he adds. "Thanks."

"Anytime," Phil swears, and strokes Dan's brown hair gently. "Just ask." 

And Dan smiles, because he knows Phil means it, and it fills his heart with warmth.


End file.
